i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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