i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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