When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
