I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
