You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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