Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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