You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just pynch a tree in the face
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
