did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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