She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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