My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
