i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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