An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
this is an emotional support booty call
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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