Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
