We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
