The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
