Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
