WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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