I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
