You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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