sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Congratulations! We have a period
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
