i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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