I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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