i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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