Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
