Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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