here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
