i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
