he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
