you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
