it wasn't lemon gatorade
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
