i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
