i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
