I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
