I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
