dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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