I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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