I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize