so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
