if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Pooping to opera.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
