Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
