Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
