actually, I'm a sock model
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
