I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
