I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
