do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize