I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
