his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
