Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
