she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
