i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
