I CAN MOONWALK!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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