she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
